Holiday Greetings!

I’m writing this letter to share my heart, to help you understand what it feels like to watch someone you love slip away, even though they’re still physically here.

My granddad, the man who used to tell the best stories, who would hold me close when I was little and laugh with me about silly things, is not the same anymore. He was always the one I could turn to for advice, the one who made me feel safe and loved. But now, my grandpa has Alzheimer’s, and I do not know if he will ever be the same again.

At first, it was not too obvious. He would forget little things, like where he left his glasses or the names of people he had not seen in a while. We laughed it off, thinking it was just getting older. But then it started getting worse. He began to forget bigger things—like who I was, where he was, and sometimes even how to speak. It breaks my heart every time I watch him struggle with a simple sentence, trying to remember a word but not being able to find it.

There are moments when he still remembers me, when I see that flicker of recognition in his eyes. But those moments are becoming rarer and rarer. Sometimes, he thinks I am someone else, and I do not know what to do when he calls me by a name that is not mine. I try to remind him who I am, but it is like there is a wall in his mind that I cannot break through. And when he is aware momentarily, he asks me, "Where did I go wrong, sweetheart?" all I can do is hold his hand and tell him it is okay, even though it feels like nothing is okay.

I miss the granddad I knew. I miss his laugh, his stories, his wisdom. I miss the way he would squeeze me tight and tell me how proud he was of me. But I know that he is still here, in some way, even if it is hard to see sometimes. I try to be strong for him, to show him love, but it is so hard when it feels like I am losing him a little more each day.

Sometimes, I feel guilty for being frustrated or sad. I wonder if he is scared or confused about what is happening to him. I wish I could take away his pain, his confusion, and his fear. But all I can do is be there for him, even when he does not remember my name or when he forgets who I am. Alzheimer’s has taken so much from him, and it feels like it is taking a piece of me, too.

I just want my granddad back. I want him to be able to tell me stories again, to laugh with me like we used to, and to remember the good times we have shared. But most of all, I want him to know that I will always love him, no matter how much Alzheimer’s tries to take away.

Thank you for letting me share my heart. I hope you will support the work and care at ANI and ANF for people with Alzheimer’s by making a meaningful contribution (HERE) this holiday season.

Love,

Cheryl